W! True Wizarding Story: Gilderoy Lockhart
by Tizzie
Summary: This is a story about Gilderoy Lockhart, obviously, from his 6th year at school to well, when he doesnt remeber a thing. Please R&R!
1. Gilderoy, Introduced

A/N: my fanfics have been so sucky lately, but I swear this one will be it! I can't guarantee, but if you ppl out there keep posting reviews, I swear (when I say that I mean, I can't promise anything) I will keep on a-goin'.  
  
'Ahh... Another year at Hogwarts, mmm, yes this year is going to be it. It. It. It. Itty. Itty. It. Ok, I'm getting carried away.'  
"Gildypoo, do be careful, don't go off in the Forbidden Forest again this year, I keep getting threatening letters from the centaurs, so please dear, stay away from them... oh and don't turn them all purple again, I don't think they like that. They just don't understand your brilliant mind, not to mention your handsome looks" Gilderoy's mother reminded him.  
'Oh, please DO mention them, as it is a fact.' Gilderoy, patted his face, and flipped out his revolving full body compact mirror. He flashed his toothy, Crest White Stripped smile (They've been around for ages in the wizarding world). His mother put her hand to her mouth in awe. Gilderoy was indeed handsome (he DEFINITLY didn't get the genes from his "frumpy" father)  
'Oh, Gildy, I'm so glad you have such a good self-concept, your father never had one, can't blame him, but, mmmm, you are so nummy, I want to eat you with a fork, I mean spoon, of course"  
'Oh, mummy, please, I'm a grown adult, boy, man, guy. Women will just be eating me with spoon forever and ever, even if I lose my memory and end up in the hospital (A/N hehehehehehe)  
Gilderoy fwoofed his bouncy golden (not artificially colored) locks once again, and checked for unsightly blemishes. Satisfying, as always.  
'Buh bye mummsy' he leaned over next to her cheek. 'Mwah, Mwah" He said doing that girly kissy thing, not surprisingly it had become a habit.  
"Oh, do owl as often as you can, and in vivid detail remind me of all the girls who coming screaming after you"  
'Oh, mum!" He said flicking his hand daintily. He aggressively tossed his case and trolley at a lowly little gray house elf, you could faintly hear a quiet shriek until it was squished to oblivion and Gilderoy bounced away, one foot in front of the other, it was very good for posture (think, Elle Woods).  
"Hey! Queerderoy! How's the Rainbow Club? A voice yelled at him, followed by hoots of laughter. Gilderoy turned on his heel to face the notorious troublemakers, the Marauders, they were called, he didn't let them bug him, and they were lowly 5th years anyway. Gilderoy smiled, he couldn't bring him self to a frown, they caused wrinkles in later life.  
'Oh it's going great, I'll make sure to notify them saying we have 4 new members' Gilderoy mouthed back gesturing to James Potter and his posse. James' smile drooped; he probably wasn't used to being put down so abruptly, unless it was Lily Evans. Sirius chuckled until he realized that that meant him too. Remus decided to be nice to the apple of his friend's disapproval.  
"I see you got prefect too" He said motioning to the gleaming badge on Gilderoy's perfectly chiseled chest. Gilderoy smiled even brighter and beamed down at it.  
"Ooo Yes! I put a Polishing Potion on it, so that it'll never go dull! I mean how uber great is that?" Gilderoy beamed even brighter. James and Sirius stifled a laugh.  
"Hmm, I don't see a sign of recognition on your robes, what are you?" Gilderoy asked, and cocked his head slightly.  
"Straight!" James said and they all made their way to the train laughing. Remus managed a sympathetic smile and followed his chums.  
'Why does every one think I'm gay!? I am not; I just want to connect with the dozens of girls that [will one day] chase after me. Years from now, I will be the most famous wizard ever!" (Notice how Harry is later)  
Gilderoy turned on his heel and made his way to the massive Hogwarts Express.  
'Thank goodness gracious that I'm a prefect, otherwise I wouldn't have found a place to sit.' Gilderoy smiled to his self (as always) as he sat down in the exclusive Prefect Cabin, along with the other Hufflepuff prefect, Darwin Lithosphere, who had an extremely annoying, and excruciatingly gross habit of picking his nose. Thankfully Remus was in the there with him, so he wouldn't have to stare at Darwin's exceptionally yellow bogies. But EVEN BETTER, Lily Evans was a prefect too, not only was she extremely beautiful but AVAILIBLE! Gilderoy so wished to ask her to go to Hogsmeade, but he was probably too suave for her liking. But being as he Gilderoy put it "wonderfully forward", he not-so-subtly schoochied his arse a tad closer to her.  
"Oh Lily, How was outer space?" He said, smirking his boyish smile. Lily furrowed her eyebrows.  
"Pfft, It was GREAT, just perfect *sarcasm for all you stupid gits* Why?"  
"Because your ass is out of this world" Gilderoy laughed at his own joke, Darwin even scowled at him, and do you know how far you've fallen when a Lithosphere thinks you're a nerd? Farther then Hell.  
"GILDEROY LOCKHART! That is completely out of line! I wouldn't even think of you any more than the annoying, Hufflepuff who tried to pick me up before we even got to school! For all I care you could fall off the face of this Earth!" Lily boomed, she had never been so insulted, how could anyone think she was that EASY!? Well... Maybe James Potter but that was an entirely different problem.  
Remus looked up from his Daily Prophet, though he tried not to smile, he couldn't help but notice a resemblance in the nature of Gilderoy and James. I mean sure they were completely different. For one, James messed up his hair to look cool and Gilderoy would probably never dream of messing up his luscious locks. Though, both equally handsome...in their own kind if way, Gilderoy seemed to think only and himself and his imaginary friend, Victoria. Remus had caught him on many occasions talking to "Victoria" in the Great Hall at meals. Though perhaps he was just trying to muster up the courage to talk to Victoria Ferdophocus, a very pretty, but dizzy Ravenclaw.  
Gilderoy laughed heartily, women, such good senses of humor. He respectively bowed his head and furthered him self from her, but just a li'le (AN: Mr[s]. Tolly language, lol neens).  
The train ride seemed like eternity, but as blissful as possible, Gilderoy found him self staring at Lily as often as he could, but of course he was blind to how uncomfortable Lily was by his staring. Also, he put some more time in to talking to "Victoria" or Vicky as he calls her. He was desperate for advice on girls, Lily Evans was just a hard egg to crack but he would be the incubator, and she would just pop out in no time, he was sure. She had to, I mean she despised James "Retardonday"(as Gildy calls him) Potter, and he would be the barrier. Vicky had helped him plan it all out. Lily would get so so annoyed with James that she would have to run to somebody, of course her first instinct would be to run to her best friend and confidante, Ruth Gravesbury, but of course it would be hard to understand a male with out talking to one, so she would run to the next best thing, Remus, not only was her friend, but James' as well. But, there would be one setback, being completely loyal he would never give personal information and try to keep his best friend away Lily, as he knows how much James cares about her, and that's where me, Gilderoy Lockhart comes in, I will be come her trusted "friend" and the only person to connect with an arrogant person is an arrogan- well, another guy who can relate. Yes, this would work out perfectly. Gilderoy smiled to himself, oblivious to the fact that he looked like a complete idiot. He sat back in satisfaction as the train chug-a-chugged its way down into the valley, exposing the brilliant, massive, most wonderful place in the whole world, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  
  
A/N: OOOO, I hope you liked this chapter, of course there will be more to come, I need some ideas though, I'm desperately trying to make Gilderoy Lockhart look like as much as an idiot as possible, but still having him make SOME sense if you know what I mean. PEASE R&R 


	2. Mona, Kyle, and Unusal Thinking

Chapter 2  
  
"Ahh, yes, Hogwarts, my home for the next year. And believe me; I will make this a special year"  
Gilderoy, and the rest of his classmates, clamored up the large stone steps in to the Great Hall, like always he sat in the middle of the Hufflepuff (his house) table so he could be visible to anyone who looked at it.  
"Hi Gilderoy!" Gilderoy looked up to see his best friend, Kyle Piddlington, and popular student, who was never bias, racist, and was loved by the whole student body, a.k.a. extremely wholesome. At Hogwarts, there were cliques like any muggle school; of course there were the "evil ones" which included most of the Slytherins, who didn't take crap from nobody. Cough* Bellatrix* cough. Then, of course there was the mischievous group, which obviously was the Marauders and some other Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaw, who idolized them, and did mischief just do be accepted. Then there was the popular crowd, who were loved and cherished by most of the student body. Usually they were intelligent, considerate, nice, prefects, a.k.a perfect. Gilderoy was part of this group. Even though he was made fun of by the Marauders, that was only a snippet of the entire Hogwarts school population, he had a good amount of admirers too, and I won't lie to you, he was quite the popular guy. I mean sure he was a little too "wonderfully forward" and tad bit arrogant, but a lot of the girls, especially the Hufflepuff girls had crushes on him, they just didn't run after him begging him to make out with them in the trophy room, well, just to make a long story short, he was handsome, wealthy and everyone was convinced that he would be famous one day, or at the very least infamous.  
"Kylie! Hey, I hope your summer was as fabulous as mine" Gilderoy said, excited to find his friend so early into the first day, with so many students it was hard to find anyone.  
"Oh, dismal as always, my muggle mum, still doesn't know what's going on and its like my 6th year, you would think that she understands by now that I AM MAGICAL, but well..." Kyle explained shrugging his shoulders.  
Gilderoy shook his head "Tsk Tsk, muggles can be sooo naïve..." Kyle laughed out loud, "Well, you kinda get used to it" he added before he was interrupted.  
"GILDY!!!!" came a shriek from behind them. Kyle and Gilderoy twisted around on the bench to see their best gal friend, Mona Croft rush toward them. Gilderoy could tell that she had bough a new robe, it was burnt a little in some places, probably from her mother (a very nice woman, he had met her once at Platform 9 ¾) ironing them too much.  
Mona was a bit dusty in the attic, if you know what I'm saying, but none the less, she always seemed to get very good marks, and Gilderoy admired her for that. Mona had huge, gray, yet mysterious eyes, and a sandy brown bob with a petit pink bow on top, Gilderoy never could understand how it stayed on the whole day, as it seemed to just lie gently on top of her head, he figured it was some kind of charm.  
"GUESS WHAT I GOT TO DO THIS SUMMER!" Mona exclaimed, as she slid into the spot next to Kyle.  
"Ahh! WHAT! You screwed a bird?" Kyle said sarcastically.  
"NOOOO" Mona said impatiently. She looked at both of them dramatically.  
"Well, since my dad works in the ministry, right? He always gets us tickets to the Quidditch championships" She said.  
"So, I get tickets too." Kyle said furrowing his eyebrows.  
"Shut it, you git, I'm not finished yet. A-anyway, so we got front seats, very exclusive. So we were just a-sittin' ya know, when Dad recognizes the referee is a very old, good friend. So they have a nice chat, and I'm just minding my own business, looking at the hot athletes, with those hot shin guards, and—well I'm getting carried away, so then my dad's friend, I think his name was.. Umm... Archie, yeah that's it. Anyhoodles, so you'll never guess what happens next! He hands me the quaffle, THE QUAFFLE! And I get to, get this! I GOT TO THROW THE QUAFFLE IN THE AIR TO START THE GAME!" Mona said so loudly that nearly everyone in the Great Hall heard her. And before Kyle, Mona or Gilderoy knew it, they were being trampled. Mona this, Mona that, Mona did you meet that hot player Jerrig Kasleman? Gilderoy was becoming extremely annoyed. Possibly because he was surrounded by anxious people, but they weren't there for him! Annoyance, annoyance.  
  
Finally everything died down quite a bit and everyone could get back to their semi-normal lifestyles.  
"So, that's been our excitement" Kyle said pushing away the remaining envious 1st years. Mona was still on an attention high looking desperately around for more admirers and slapping Kyle on the back of his head as she saw him push away a couple more students.  
"Hey! Those are mine!" She said running after the two 2nd years who wanted to learn more about throwing up the quaffle.  
Kyle laughed as Mona aggressively grabbed the back of their robes and pulled them back. Gilderoy wasn't paying the least bit attention. He was staring at that certain red headed beauty talking to her friends. Gilderoy couldn't help but stare. She looked so gorgeous leaning against the wall flipping her long red hair, that he was sure was as soft as it looked.  
"Got your eye on Lily Evan's this year?" Kyle said leaning against Gilderoy. Gilderoy turned his head towards Kyle as Mona joined them.  
"Perhaps..." Gilderoy said  
"I thought she was stuck on James Potter" Mona questioned.  
"No, He's stuck on her" Kyle reminded her. "And as far as I'm concerned Gild, she ain't paying you no heed." Mona nodded in agreement.  
"We'll see about that" Gilderoy said patting them both on the shoulder and he turned gracefully on his heel and headed towards the Hufflepuff Common room.  
  
They entered the common roomed adorned with yellow and black. Gilderoy wished that Hufflepuff didn't have those two colors, as they just clashed terribly, but he'll survive. It was very unusual for Gilderoy to be this quiet for this amount of time. Mona and Kyle were beginning to feel extremely awkward.  
"Uhh... Well Gild'roy, I think I better hit the hay" Mona said slowly, hoping that her best friend would crack out of his shell. But Gilderoy just nodded with smile and she hesitantly made her way up to her dormitory.  
Gilderoy was too deep in thought to even recognize that nearly the entire Hufflepuff congregation was staring at him, probably thinking the same thing. "WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR GILDEROY?" He didn't care though; he quietly descended up the steps to his dormitory. He was tired and his brain was starting to hurt.  
  
A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING, I am so sorry it took so long; I just have a terrible problem of delaying things. I just have a poll for all you loyal Gildy readers to take.  
What Should Happen Between Gilderoy and Lily? Should his love antics bring her and James together Should they go out and then Gilderoy run away from a problem involving her. OTHER I'm sorry that's a terrible poll, but if you have ANY ideas at all, please bring them up. I don't care, if your idea is that Gilderoy temporarily turns into a monkey or something, I just want ideas. Thanks chums! 


	3. Annoyed

Chapter 3

DISCLAMER- All characters are from Harry Potter and are sadly not my own. But Kyle and Mona are mine. There is also a line taken from Legally Blonde, I love that line.

Yaaaawn Gilderoy flickered open his eyes, but instead of seeing a stone ceiling, he saw 8 eyes staring down at him.

"AAAAAH!!" Gilderoy leaped out of bed. "What are you guys trying to do, make my heart stop beating or something!?"

"Nooo" said his friend, Jared sheepishly. "We wanted to check if you were still alive." Gilderoy furrowed his eyebrows.

"Of course, I'm alive, didn't you see my gorgeous chest moving up and down, up and down, up and down, up and dow-."

"Ok, Ok, Ok, we get it" Kyle exclaimed irritated. "It's just—what's been up with you? You usually have plenty to talk about, and now, you're just… whoosh. It's Lily Evan's isn't it?"

"No, of course not… well maybe I've been thinking about her a little." Gilderoy said, anticipating an earthquake. Kyle threw up his hands.

"Cheese and rice, Gild! We've been here for not even 24 hours and you're already obsessed with a girl." He said harshly. It wasn't like Kyle to be this insensitive.

"It's not my fault that you are annoyed with me! The problem isn't mine, it's yours!" Gilderoy shouted. He grabbed his uniform and robes and stormed out of the room.

Gilderoy quickly dressed in the common room before anyone came down from the dormitories. He perfected his hair and slumped down into a black and yellow striped chair.

"Perfect, just perfect, I've just lost one of my best friends, and even worse, I'm sitting here talking to my self alone in a color-clashing room. Could this day get any worse than it already has?"

Gilderoy decided not to wait for any of his friends; Mona was probably just as pissed as Kyle. He swiftly walked to the Great Hall for a nutritious breakfast of pumpkin juice and chocolate croissants. His morning couldn't possibly have gotten any worse, until…

"Hey Queerie!" came that all too familiar voice of none other than James Potter. Gilderoy sighed in exasperation. Not now! He thought. He slowly turned around, extremely agitated.

"Potter." Gilderoy acknowledged briefly with the nod of the head.

"So Gilderoy, uhh, I've seen how you look at my girl" James said seriously. Gilderoy sighed again. Could this guy be more big-headed….. Probably.

"First of all, yes I like her, along with the rest of the male student body, Second, she's not yours in the first place, I'm not sure if you can tell, but completely despises you… oh right, your just too much of conceited pompous brain to notice." Gilderoy smirked and pushed pass James, nearly knocking him off his feet.

Unbeknownst to Gilderoy, Sirius Black had been listening to James and Gilderoy the whole time. He stopped Gilderoy in mid step.

"No one's ever talks to James that way, 'cept for Evans…he's probably still scratching his head." Sirius said, subconsciously amused.

"Yeah, it must be a good vacation for his balls." Gilderoy responded sweetly and calmly walked down the stone steps, leaving Sirius dumfounded.

Upon entering the Great Hall, he felt a lot better, he has stood up against the Marauders, and now he was going to sit down and drink pumpkin juice, his favorite drink, next to butter beer. He sat down in the middle of the table as usual and grabbed two croissants, poured himself more than his share of pumpkin juice and loaded up on strawberries and peaches. He was just about to dig in when, Mona crept up behind him.

"Gilderoy…" She said awkwardly shifting her feet. Gilderoy glared at her.

"You mad too?!" He demanded. "'Cause if you are, I really don't give a poop." He huffed and played around with his peaches. It wasn't like Gilderoy to be this harsh, and Mona was a real state of shock. He had never yelled at her before. Before she could compose herself, her bottom lip started to tremble and sooner than she could stop her self she was weeping quietly in her hands.

"Oh Gildy! I'm-not-mad." She cried between gasps of breath. "It's just that you've been diff'rent lately and I wanna know what's going on, Kyle wasn't what you'd call helpful."

Gilderoy sighed.

"Monie, it's not you, if that's what you're getting at. I've just been thinking about Lily Evans a little more than necessary.

"Oh…" Mona exclaimed, she looked slightly disappointed. "Well, that's good then." She strangely patted him on the back and filled up her own plate and challis.

GRYFINDOR COMMON ROOM

James sat back into a chair in a daze; no one had ever dared to speak to him that way, except Lily Evans. But most definitely not a happy go-lucky Hufflepuff, especially Gilderoy Lockhart. He drummed his fingers on the arm of the scarlet chair.

"How dare he!" James finally yelled, he needed to get it out of his system.

"How dare who?" Remus asked over a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"QUEERDEROY LOCKHART!" roared James.

"Actually, he really couldn't be queer if he likes Lily." Remus corrected him.

"Hey! Than its Bi-deroy!" Sirius exclaimed, laughing at his own joke. James, Remus and Peter just gave him blank stares.

"What? Don't you get it, he's queer but he likes girls, so he's bi, so he's Bideroy, HAHAHA….More blank stares….ok… I'm not here…" Sirius looked down into his lap.

"Aaaaa-nyway" James continued. "I just wanna strangle him!"

"I actually find that you two are alike" Remus said, not taking his eyes off the paper.

'WHAT!" James and Sirius cried in disbelief. "How? We're completely different!" Remus smirked and cleared his throat to begin his theory but James stopped him before a sound came through his mouth.

"Ok, whatever, but I'm most definitely not as much as an ass." He said defiantly. Remus shrugged. "You better do something quickly; he's pretty serious about asking Lily to Hogsmeade."

"Who's asking me to Hogsmeade?" came a female voice from behind them. The Marauders swirled around to see Lily Evans staring at them.

"Uhmm, James!" Remus exclaimed quickly. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Like every other day of the week" she retorted and swiftly walked past them and through the common room door. James glared at Remus.

"Why the hell should we not tell her about Lockhart asking her?" he asked quite loudly.

"For one, she'd think we were making it up just so she'd say yes to you, and it would make us sound like we think she can't take care of her self." Remus explained never taking his eyes off the book in his lap. James sighed, that's the last thing he wanted her to think. He grabbed his book bag and headed for the door to go to breakfast. Sirius, Remus, followed him, absorbed in their own conversation.

A/N: Wow, that chapter took me like 3 years. I just forgot about this story in all the hustle bustle of my life. But I found that I had written like 2 pages of my 3rd chapter, so I thought, What the Hell? So I started writing some more and getting into it. SO here you go!


End file.
